The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.