im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA