Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
23 People Confess The Trashiest Thing They’ve Seen In Person
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
19 Transgender People Reveal The First Sign That They Were Trans
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Dick very happy bro