If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.