i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
