sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize