when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Randomize
