She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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