Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
