she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize