im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
