she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize