You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
