Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
