no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
