I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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