I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
