Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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