Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
