My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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