I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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