I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
