I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
