I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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