Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
His hands were made for my vagina.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
