I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
