Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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