I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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