Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
