Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
