brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
