Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Randomize
