fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I pour the whiskey from now on
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
