I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My dick has a subreddit
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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