was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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