My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
