Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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