all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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