I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
