I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
