I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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