I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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