i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
