I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
