I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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