You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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