i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize