I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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