he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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