someone owes me an orgasm
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
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She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
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Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
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