If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
