I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
