Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
