Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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