"it" just moved
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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