That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
