Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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