Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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