i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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