So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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