How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
