You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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