it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
