I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize