so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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