oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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