My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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