I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
