Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
