i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
