I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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