Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
