Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
