I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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