She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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