walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
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