I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
