I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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