Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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