seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line