You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Reggie can tackle my bush.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?