No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.