tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
