he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
