my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I would ride that face into the sunset
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
